“You’re Asking Him?” — The Expert Who Can Say “I Don’t Know”

Before a client meeting, Jonas and Marek are reviewing a technical problem. Jonas pauses at one section.

— I’m not going to guess here. Olek knows this library better than I do.
— You’re going to ask him? — Marek says, surprised.

Without embarrassment, Jonas asks the less senior Olek for help. Marek wonders whether an expert who says “I don’t know” is weakening his own position.

What really happened

Jonas is experienced, but he does not pretend that his experience covers every technical detail. When Olek knows more about one specific area, Jonas asks him. Marek is using a different definition of expertise. In his view, high status and long experience should usually mean having the answer rather than looking for it. “I don’t know — let’s ask Olek” can therefore increase Jonas’s credibility in his own eyes while appearing to reduce it in Marek’s. The underlying disagreement is about whether competence means possessing answers or also recognizing the boundary of your own knowledge and knowing where better information sits.

What the research says

Research on leaders who ask questions captures exactly this ambiguity. Asking can reduce perceived competence, particularly when the person’s competence is already in doubt, while at the same time increasing perceptions of humility and potentially strengthening trust (Cojuharenco & Karelaia, 2020). Other research shows that status concerns can genuinely discourage help-seeking, especially when people see the workplace in zero-sum terms, where another person’s gain feels like one’s own loss (Davidai, 2025). This does not mean that asking questions always builds authority. It means the same act can simultaneously signal a knowledge gap and intellectual maturity.

How to handle it

Make a visible distinction between responsibility and knowledge: “I own the decision, but Olek knows this part better than I do.” Teams can also reward not only fast answers, but accurate identification of the person who has the best evidence or expertise. Leaders can normalize the sentence “I don’t know yet.” The general rule is: an expert does not have to be the person who knows everything; an expert should know when to answer, when to verify, and when to give the floor to someone who knows more about that specific part.

How Empatyzer and Em can help

Empatyzer can help the team separate status from the obligation to have every answer. Motivators connected with status, independence, curiosity, and hierarchy can make asking a more junior specialist for help look like maturity to one person and a threat to authority to another. Em can help Jonas use language that protects responsibility while openly recognizing Olek’s knowledge: “You know more about this area — show me what I’m missing.” It can also help Olek avoid interpreting the question as evidence that Jonas is incompetent. Empatyzer does not assess technical skill or choose the “better expert”; it helps people use the knowledge that actually exists in the team without unnecessary status anxiety. Micro-lessons reinforce the habit of asking without losing face.