“Yes, sir” — being polite without guessing someone’s gender

During a call with a client in English, Marek can hear only the voice.

— Yes, sir. I’m checking that now.
— Ma’am.
— I’m sorry. Of course.

Marek was trying to use a form of respect he had learned. But before he could use it, he first had to guess which category the person belonged to—and that is where the mistake happened.

What really happened

Marek learned that “sir” and “ma’am” are safe, respectful forms in English. The problem is that before using the polite form, he first has to assign the person to the correct category. With only a voice on the phone, that guess can be wrong. The intention is respectful, but the construction adds another thing that has to be inferred correctly. Nia shows him that the same formality can be preserved without that step: “of course”, “certainly”, “thank you”, a surname or another neutral form of address. The respect remains while the risk of misclassifying the person decreases.

What the research says

Forms such as “sir”, “ma’am”, “Mr” and “Ms” encode information about status and gender. When that information is assigned incorrectly, someone can be addressed in a way that does not match how they identify or wish to be recognized—a form of misgendering. A 2026 recruitment study found that applicants requesting gender-neutral forms of address were still more likely to be misgendered and could receive poorer evaluations (Dörr et al., 2026). That study focuses on nonbinary applicants and recruitment rather than an accidental “sir/ma’am” error in customer service. It nevertheless illustrates the broader communication cost: a system that requires gender to be guessed creates a possible mistake that neutral language simply does not require.

How to handle it

This is not about eliminating “sir” and “ma’am” from English altogether. If the form is known, expected and appropriate to the setting, it can still be polite. When you do not know, “of course”, “certainly”, “thank you”, a first or last name, or another known-correct form is enough. If a mistake happens, the best response is short: “I’m sorry. Of course.” Then continue with the conversation. The general rule: the safest form of politeness is based on what you actually know about the other person, not on extra characteristics you first have to guess.

How Empatyzer and Em can help

Empatyzer can help Marek preserve exactly what matters to him—respect—without forcing him to guess personal characteristics. Culture-8 may show that formal forms of address are an important code of respect for him, but Em should not infer a client’s gender or identity from voice, name or profile. Before English-language calls, it can suggest a neutral toolkit: “certainly”, “of course”, “thank you”, a surname, or another form known to be correct. If a mistake occurs, Em can recommend a brief apology and an immediate return to the matter at hand rather than turning the correction into a larger performance. Micro-lessons reinforce that the safest respect is built on information we actually have, not categories we first have to infer.